I’m working on my wellness e-book this week and in the very final stages of editing and design (!!!) Coming to you soonly:) This e-book has been a labour of love and I thought I’d share the process of its development with you as I think it demonstrates something that happens to many of us.
I’m talking about resistance. And namely striving for perfectionism.
You see, I wrote my e-book rather quickly — over the course of just 4 days to be exact. That’s because I had carved out a long weekend for myself to hole up in the creative cave and basically immerse myself in the writing and material without any distractions. It’s amazing what you can get done when you devote your undivided attention and time to something!
That, my dear, was last spring. Almost a whole year ago! Granted, I did take several months off from blogging last year and only just returned to the site last November… but still, November seems ages ago. More than enough time to have wrapped up and released this book already!
So what got in the way of completing this baby and putting it out there into the world?
Simply put – my stubborn refusal to do any less than ALL of it myself.
From the time I had first conceived of this e-book, I had this big shiny idea in my head that I would do it all on my own. It would be a project that would reflect my creativity 100%, from the writing to the pictures to the background design to the layout. I’ve always loved making art and the idea of having complete creative control over this DIY project was hugely appealing. I also knew this would be the most cost-effective way to release the book… I didn’t want to spend tons of money hiring a designer when I was sure this was something I could do myself.
The problem? While I once had a fairly strong design background in the past, I’ve since forgotten most of what I knew. This meant I’d have to go back to the drawing board and do some serious brushing up. I didn’t own any design programs on my current computer; I also didn’t have a clear vision in my head of exactly how I wanted things to look, so I’d need a good amount of play-around time to determine what to go with. And let’s not overlook the teeeeny fact that, as I’ve blogged about a few times in the past (here & here), my schedule has been quite packed, to say the least!
Still, I clung to the idea that I would somehow do this all in the perfect way I had imagined and kept pushing (unsuccessfully!) to make it happen. Weeks passed by and then months. I scheduled design time in my calendar when I could but the process never took off very far… an hour or two here and there, which flew by in what felt like minutes — most of that time spent researching design techniques and styles.
It wasn’t until about a month or two ago that I started to seriously consider the possibility of hiring someone to take over, as it was clear that my e-book would never get completed otherwise. It took a big dose of trust and surrender to let go of the original plan… but you know what? I am so happy and relieved with that decision! I am starting to work with a designer who seems wonderful, who has lots of design experience so she knows what she’s doing, and it’s just a huge sigh of relief to know that I don’t have to worry about this anymore. The energy around the whole e-book feels so much lighter now just saying that.
I notice these words keep coming up for me a lot lately: Soften, Surrender,
Let go, Trust.
And I’m reminded again that it’s more than OK to adjust course if things aren’t working the way they were planned. Not only that but it’s quite unrealistic to cling to one specific outcome only! Often the way we want things to happen just isn’t the way we need to experience them. I’ve experienced this with starting up my blog, on my travels, and with so many other big events and undertakings. Life has a way of continually bringing us into situations where we’re faced with the very lessons we need to learn, over and over, until we finally get it and make a shift. I know this is my inner work and I’m getting there, slowly but surely.
It’s true that it’s important to have goals and dreams but we’ve got to be willing to release our expectations of how they will come about. Be open to other avenues, paths and outcomes. Who knows? The unexpected new direction and result could be better than you had ever imagined.
It all hinges on our ability to let go.
The other thing that has come up for me lately is an unshakable curiosity about my approach to getting things done and my belief system around this. For example, I’ve always believed that you need to bust your ass in the workplace and go after what you want with full force — anything less than that means you’ll get mediocre results at best.
My default state has always been a work fast, focus intently, “don’t stop til it’s finished” kind of deal — a very masculine approach to getting things done basically, no doubt influenced by my dad (still one of the most masculine men I know, with a killer work ethic). Living with him when I was younger and emulating his workaholic ways has definitely served me in the past, helping me score many a coveted job. It’s also been a huge drain on my body and nervous system. And I’m beginning to wonder if there’s not a better way, an easier, less stressful path to operate from… a path that might still ultimately yield better results.
Some big questions I’ve been asking myself lately…
Do I operate in this “Go full force / do it all myself” kind of way because it’s who I am or because it’s the only way I know how to be?
Am I open to trying something different?
Is there another way of getting work done OTHER than pushing through that’s even more effective?
Is it possible that the creation of big things can be easy and effortless?
Can I allow myself to trust and feel at ease with uncertainty and without stepping in to control?
These are the questions that are on my mind and though I don’t have answers right now, I encourage you to ask yourself some of the same. How do you tend to operate in life, with work, with creating? Do you feel you need to step back or turn it up a notch? Is there a better way out there, perhaps?
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this one! Lots of juicy questions here 🙂
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