Do we unconsciously block our happiness?

I’ve been feeling disconnected for much of this year.

2018 has been good to me in many ways – I had a phenomenal routine going earlier this year and felt like the productivity queen with everything I was getting done. I cleared out a ton of limiting beliefs which led to some huge manifestations. I traveled to Central America and Iceland (my 4th Iceland trip!) and got to experience the freedom of living and working on the road. I’ve finally been able to start settling down into the new phase of life I’ve been craving.

But my dad’s illness has thrown me. It’s really affected me on a deep level and despite all the blessings this year has brought, I’ve been having such a hard time feeling good on a consistent basis. There are good days here and there, sure.. it’s not like I’ve been unable to function. I just haven’t been my high vibing self for the past several months. Joy has felt sparse these days and in its place, doubt, worry and overwhelm have taken over.

This has been going on for many months already and I’m just tired of not feeling my best. Frustrated by the big block I’m feeling unable to move through. I miss thriving. I miss my joy.

The other day I opened one of my mentor’s newsletters and was struck by one short phrase she had written in there amidst a sea of text:

Be Happy Anyway.

I was stunned reading that short statement – not because I hadn’t heard it before. I had many times. It’s a statement I wholeheartedly believed in or so I thought. But in that moment, I realised something profound: I’ve been blocking my joy.

I’ve been denying my happiness.

Not intentionally or even consciously of course. But blocking it nonetheless.

I suddenly realised why all my attempts to lift myself up and overcome all the grief that’s been in my heart these past several months have not fully worked — because I decided (at some point probably long ago), that I’m not allowed to feel good while a loved one is suffering.

Feeling good while a family member has cancer seems wrong. It seems inappropriate, insensitive and selfish. It even feels somewhat malicious, even though I know that makes ZERO sense at all – it’s not like someone’s happiness is what causes or even contributes to someone else’s suffering in any way. But all this shame and guilt, it’s all been bubbling under the surface for me, putting an unconscious cap on my ability to feel good. Making it impossible for me to go much beyond feeling “OK” these days.

I was shocked to realise that I’ve been subconsciously fighting myself for months ever since my dad’s illness has taken a turn for the worse. There’s the part of me that desperately wants to feel better, to feel my usual high vibrations and joy that I love feeling. And then there’s a hidden part of me, a part I’ve totally been unaware of, that says NO, feeling good is not appropriate. It’s immoral and wrong and you should feel ashamed for even wanting to be in a happy state during this time, much less actually get there.

If you feel good while a family member is greatly suffering, you are the ultimate BAD PERSON.

Another limiting belief hiding under the surface that I had no idea even existed in my energy field.

It’s no wonder every effort to lift myself up has been swiftly cut down whenever I sense myself getting too close. No wonder every attempt to get myself on a deeper selfcare routine has been sabotaged soon after starting. I did not want to be seen as a “bad person” in the world. In trying to be good, I was literally blocking myself from feeling good.

It’s been one step forward, one step back for me all the way.

Talk about a realisation that changes your life! I couldn’t believe I had not been aware of this going on for so long.

Is it even possible for us to be happy in the midst of suffering?

This is a question that I have asked before and discussed with many others. Even going beyond the personal in our lives, there are so many horrific things happening in this country and around the world. So much trauma and cruelty happening to people, animals, the planet… when we think about all the suffering going on around us, it indeed seems kind of insensitive and messed up to be feeling so good while others are clearly not.

Some people argue that it’s not possible to be happy when things are going wrong but I believe this is us giving our power away when we say that.

We resign ourselves to being the victim when we state that outside circumstances have ultimate control over our ability to feel joy.

I won’t deny that it’s much easier to feel happy and aligned when the sun is shining, the finances are flowing, the people in our lives are happy and well and everything in life is going peachy. But I’ve proven to myself through all sorts of life struggle and challenge in the past that happiness is possible no matter what is going on.

When I couldn’t walk and my whole life came to a crashing halt in 2013, not only did I prove that happiness is still possible in the midst of suffering, I was experiencing a consistent level of joy coursing through my veins during that period that I had never felt before. How was this possible during a time when everything was going wrong and I had no clue if I would get any better? Because I was actively cultivating my joy.

Cultivating joy became more important to me than holding onto my depression and fear.

The thing about joy, I realised a long time ago, is that it has little to do with our outside experiences and everything to do with our inner state of mind.

We can wait for that elusive moment someday where everything in life finally lines up so we can then feel good OR we can create our happiness now. No matter what is going on.

So if it’s possible to be happy no matter what, does that mean being happy while others are suffering is right?

This has been my big inner conflict – knowing that while I’m ABLE to create my own happiness, I should feel ashamed and like a bad person for even wanting to do so.

Who am I to be joyful and well while my dad is wasting away? Who am I to be thriving while another loved one suffers so much? The guilt that’s been with me these days has reminded me a little of survivor’s guilt – the guilt that people who live through tragedy sometimes feel when realizing that others around them did not make it. Why them and why not me?

Happiness, to me, has felt wrong these days, wracked with shame. This is embarrassing for me to write because I feel like saying it out loud and even acknowledging these thoughts passing through my mind makes me a bad person! That limiting belief again – if I feel happy during such a tragic time, if I even want to feel happy, I’m a terrible, selfish human being.

“I want to feel better.”

“But you can’t feel better.”

“But I want to feel better.”

“But you’re not allowed to feel better.”

This has been my unconscious inner struggle these past several months. It’s no wonder I’ve felt disconnected for so long! There’s been an ongoing battle in place with my mind.

Does any of this resonate with you?

 

There are all sorts of reasons why we might not give ourselves permission to be happy, beyond my specific situation.

– Maybe we think we’re fundamentally flawed or we haven’t done enough to deserve being happy.
– Maybe we feel we have to punish ourselves for not being good enough.
– Maybe we feel like being too happy ultimately leads to disappointment so better to not let ourselves get there.
– Maybe we feel happiness cannot be pursued because we’re too overwhelmed with life as it is.

But I feel like I have to pose a deeper question here….

What good does it do us to NOT feel happy?

What do we gain by making ourselves feel miserable? For that matter, what do others gain by us not feeling well?

Do our relationships with others improve or decline when we’re feeling rotten?

Does our work get better or worse when we feel like crap?

Does our health improve or decline when we’re feeling depressed?

Do we help more or less people around us and in the world when we’re feeling low?

I think we all know the answer.

Here’s the thing – the energy we hold in ourselves imparts energy to those around us. We can make others feel better with our energy and even impart healing to others if we’re vibing at a high enough state. I believe that when we’re feeling lit up and amazing, that high vibrational energy has the ability to lift up everyone else who comes into contact with us.

Have you ever experienced talking with someone who’s totally high on life? It’s exhilarating. Maybe you notice while talking to them that you start picking up the waves, smiling more, laughing, feeling more positive just from being around someone who’s so alive. After that person leaves, you notice you’re feeling more energized from the whole interaction. The energy we give off is that powerful.

(Of course, there will always be some people who will actively hang onto their misery and not be receptive to shifting out of it – but I’d say the vast majority of people are open to feeling better).

It makes sense for us to be feeling our happiest and most joyful in order to spread good vibes and be in the best shape possible to help uplift others. When we’re feeling lit up and inspired is when the relationships flourish; it’s when the projects and creative ideas that help better the world really flow.

We equate suffering with another person to somehow alleviating their pain but it doesn’t work like that. We feel like we’re being good and doing others a favor by keeping ourselves small, when all we’re doing is putting ourselves at a greater disadvantage of being able to contribute good. We think we have to choose between happiness OR ______ without realizing there is more than enough room for both to exist in ourselves.

Logically I KNOW this. So why do the pangs of guilt and shame exist?

The idea that we shouldn’t be too happy (or too big or too out there) in the world has been around in society for a long time.

Awareness is so important here. I feel like just being aware that this limiting belief has been taking hold sheds a light on the disconnection and starts to cause it to crumble. Of course there’s still healing work to be done… but this awareness is a start.

When I asked my intuition about this issue, this is what I heard:

You must be happy. You must choose happiness and you must prioritize cultivating this in yourself because this is how we heal ourselves and the world. Your suffering does nothing to remove the suffering of another, nor does it help to make the situation any better. We cannot help anyone when stuck in a low feeling place.

Furthermore, being happy is your birthright. Being joyful is who you are. We are meant to feel good. The only reason you are not feeling happy right now is because you are in resistance to your natural way of being due to preconceived notions of how one is supposed to act, think, and feel in response to various stimuli. Let go of these outdated ideas of how one is supposed to behave and you will start to open up and feel who you are flow through.

The best way to help and heal is by being the light. We don’t help by going down with the sinking ship; we help by being the buoy. Fill yourself up and let the joy from that state flow out towards others, knowing that it is safe, right and good to live your joy no matter what.

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Today I woke up and instead of focusing on the fear and worry of what I cannot change, I decided to focus on the good. What I feel grateful for and what brings me joy.

I’m grateful to be living in the kind of home I hoped for, I’m grateful to be dating someone who adores me, to have friends who care about me, to be able to work from home. I’m grateful to be able to take care of a sweet fur baby, to be able to buy and cook food that gives back to my health, to have money for travel if desired, to know how to boost my health and heal my body. I’m grateful to finally have a more stable living situation and a real place to call home this year! There is a lot to be happy about and I haven’t been fully appreciating the blessings.

What we choose to focus on determines how we feel.

This simple reminder can change our entire life.

We can focus on what’s going right or what’s going wrong. We can focus on what brings us joy or what brings us worry and fear. We can focus on the things we love or the things that frustrate and annoy us.

If you’re not liking the way you feel, try shifting what you focus on and start thinking about what you’re grateful for. It makes all the difference.

I cannot change my dad’s cancer.

I can’t take it away, I can’t go back in time, and I can’t stop it from progressing. Focusing on this helplessness and the utter lack of control I have over this situation has not been helping. It’s only been massively setting me back. And it’s time to shift my perspective to one that feels better.

What I CAN do is be grateful for the blessings I have.

What I can do is get myself vibing in a high state, so that I can do good for others. What I can do is meditate and pray and send healing energy. What I can do is share more health and nutrition information on this blog to help others heal their bodies and make better choices for their wellbeing. I need to start doing this more. What I can do is focus on putting more love out into the world by being my best self.

What I can do is cultivate my joy.

This is what I’ve decided to focus my efforts on moving forward.

Be Happy Anyway.

Love yourself enough to choose happiness anyway.

I’ll be sure to share the results with you here.

xx