Afraid of being JUDGED? Read this

Last year I was writing an email to an old friend of mine who I hadn’t seen in a long time. I had recently gotten back into the habit of blogging regularly again and had set up a few automated things to promote my writing more – one of these being a link to my blog in my gmail account. It had seemed like a good move at the time… and then I soon quickly forgot it was even there…

I finished up my email and pressed SEND without thinking much about it – and suddenly realised to my sheer horror that I had just unintentionally sent this friend the link to my blog.

Horror and panic ensued.

It’s not that I was trying to hide my writing from him or the fact that I was a blogger. I just didn’t feel ready to share my words with everyone yet. My blog posts are raw; they’re honest and revealing and I tend to write in a way that reads a bit like a journal entry. This is just my personal style and way I communicate best. I felt fine with sharing these posts with strangers and people looking for that inspiration in their own lives but wasn’t fully prepared for it to go beyond that just yet.

The self-defeating thoughts were racing through my mind: What will he THINK? I probably sound so dumb! So girly and naive, such a dreamer.

What was I so afraid of?

I realised I was terrified of being judged by my friend. By someone close to me who knew me in an entirely different capacity. I was afraid of what he would think of this raw, honest me.

Here’s the thing though: I AM girly and naive. And I most certainly am a dreamer in every sense of the word. And there’s nothing wrong with any of that. My personality is young-at-heart. I laugh a ton and get easily excited. I’m a joy chaser and I do have a lot of childlike antics. I ALSO can’t help but be forward-moving to others – anyone who’s had a conversation with me, even a short one, knows that I’m always about self-growth. I have no desire to stay small, to live mediocre, to cease learning and growing and shedding my blocks so I can live an even fuller life. And I realised that if my friend didn’t like the way I write in my blog posts (which in my opinion is the REAL me coming out), then he didn’t actually like the real me. And our friendship wasn’t based on true authenticity.

This is important to note because I’ve found that if we don’t put ourselves out there authentically and truthfully, we risk others never knowing us for our true selves. We risk forming friendships out of surface interests, hobbies and mutual likes but never really being able to communicate beyond that. Never being able to fully open up and say or do things that might make us look vulnerable or selfish or childish for fear of being rejected.

We MUST be authentic in order for the right people, the ones we will connect with most, to find us.

I realised that I needed to get over this fear of being judged and putting myself out there.

So I posted the link to my blog up on Facebook. Sort of pulled the rug right out from under my own feet.

Now there was nowhere left to hide. And that felt SO damn good.

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I bring this up now because last week I was reminded of this story once again when I was hit with a massive dose of vulnerability and fear after launching my coaching program. Suddenly I had the realisation: Oh god, I just COMPLETELY put myself out there with this program. There’s no going back now. It’s all there for others to judge. And it was freakin terrifying.

I had worked on this project for weeks and weeks, to the point where it had felt very much like a baby to me. What if people don’t like my baby? What if they think it’s not good enough? What if they think it’s stupid? What if they think I’m a fake or phony who has no right to offer this?

In case you didn’t see it yet, this posting on instagram last week pretty much sums it all up.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about fear, it’s that the best way to conquer it is to just dive straight in. Feel the fear but do it anyway.

I’ve learned the hard way what happens when we don’t face our fears and do the things our hearts are calling us to do – it literally makes us sick. It makes us bored, it makes us resentful, it makes us feel stuck. This is why since overcoming a rock-bottom situation in 2013, I’ve been committed to facing my fears head on and finally starting to live for myself at all costs. This is the energy that propelled me to travel around the world solo. That made me press “BUY” on that flight to Thailand, as far away from home as could be. That made me decide to start working for myself. That got me comfortable with public speaking at events. That drove me to put myself out there as a coach.

And this is the energy that is leading me to announce the start of something else that feels SUPER scary… the start of my own YouTube channel!!

It’s happening! As scary and vulnerable as being on camera feels (I think we’ve all experienced the hater comments that often dominate youtube videos), this is something I feel so called to do. Face the fears head on by doing something that feels even scarier. Stay tuned for my first video to come shortly..

And eventually we realise – the more we put ourselves out there to be seen and heard authentically by others, the more there is for people to judge. And some people will not like you. Some people won’t agree with you. Some people will think you’re doing it wrong. Some people will think you’re not good enough. And that can hurt and it’s just a part of life. But what is the alternative? To stay small and people-please and not take any big risks for fear of the possible consequences? That doesn’t sound like a full life to me… and if you’re a reader of this blog, that probably doesn’t sound appealing to you either.

Let’s GO with the idea of living boldly and authentically putting ourselves out there (and having a blast along the way, might I add)

🙂

Nothing is as important as feeling well and living your dreams.

Even if it’s scary. Even if it costs money. Even if it means walking away from the comfort zone. Because the bigger risk and the bigger sadness in life is to NOT do it at all – to remain wishing and wondering and full of what ifs.

I hope this post resonated with you. Please comment below and tell me: have you ever held back for fear of being judged? How do you deal with fear? I’d love to hear your story! ♥

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